I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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