his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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