We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize