Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
