College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
