Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
