After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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