watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
