**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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