I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
