I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize