I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize