you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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