It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
