I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
