i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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