well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
