I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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