I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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