stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
