She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
