He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
