I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
