If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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