wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
