My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
