i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
