Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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