I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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