Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize