I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
