To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
