Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
