Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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