Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
