names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
