just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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