I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
