Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
that is very illegal...i love you.
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