I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
