"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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