Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
