I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
