Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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