absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
