He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
