Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
