There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
