Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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