I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
