i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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