Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
