i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
