MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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