Duck Duck Cougar?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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