Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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