wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
