A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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