I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
