doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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