So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
