I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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