You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
