Your tits are I can't wait for
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
