Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
