He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
