New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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