No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
