remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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