I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
