I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize