That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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