I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
