You're my little dorito
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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