she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
