i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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