A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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