I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They took my balls.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
