i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
