I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
