i just wanna soil my oats bro
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize