so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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