I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
