Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
