Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
