party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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