Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
