Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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