where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
