I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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