The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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