What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
