I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize