Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
