Duck Duck Cougar?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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