you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
