He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize