No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
