I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize