Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
