i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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