My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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