I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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