I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize