Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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