Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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