If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
