So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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