She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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