I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
